It is often said that Apathists don’t care enough about religion to build a church. Well here it is. For those who believe that it is important to treat religion with apathy, I have built this church.
Well of all the trials and tribulations you have on your way to be crucified, who would have thought that getting your crucifix stuck while travelling on the escalator would be one of them?
People are flocking to collect ‘Holy Water’ from a statue of Jesus, in a village near Mumbai in India, that has started crying. Police have had to be called in to control the crowds.
The last time this happened at church in Mumbai, in 2012, Sanal Edamaruku came along to disprove the miracle and proved that the source of water was a blocked drain. Instead of thanking Edamaruku for protecting their health, the people turned against him and a number of blasphemy charges were brought against him. Edamaruku is well know for exposing fake miracle workers. After death threats were made and a fellow activist was murdered, he sought refuge in Helsinki, Finland and remains there to this day.
Some religious groups have been saying for some time that the recent blood moons, or supermoons, are a sign from God that something important is going to happen, possibly the end of the world. Well, they occur regularly and the world hasn’t ended as a result yet. Perhaps Donald Trump being elected President of the United States, backed by a republican House of Representatives and Senate may change that. So before the world ends, go out Friday and enjoy the sight of the biggest moon in the last 70 years.
Hailey, aged 19, is so convinced she is the latest immaculate conception, she went on the Dr Phil show to prove it. Unfortunately, when Doctor Stork (I kid you not) examined the scan, the main concern was the lack of a foetus. When Hailey was confronted with the evidence, or lack of evidence, she said “You can’t lie to Jesus.”
Click to see coverage on our YouTube channel.
It all started when the head of Jesus was stolen from a statue outside a church in Canada. One of the congregation kindly supplied a temporary replacement head. Unfortunately, the clay replacement looked more like a demonic version of Maggie from the Simpsons. Before the elements had time to destroy the clay head, it was removed, leaving the baby Jesus headless again. The original head was then returned by the teenager who had stolen it. However, it looks like the statue will remain headless for some time. It is better to fit the head in warmer weather and they are worried about it being vandalized again. It looks like the baby Jesus will remain headless until next summer.
For coverage of this by our pilot news channel on YouTube click below.
No, not Robert Plant. The new vicar, Tom Plant, at St Michael’s Church in Camden, has applied for an alcohol licence. He is planning to run gigs in the church 4 evenings a week, in order to earn much needed revenue to support their mission. He does not have a problem with alcohol and said “Jesus turned water into wine for a reason.” To help with one of the problems that alcohol consumption brings, three new portable loos have been installed on the grounds of the church. Flirting with alcohol is nothing new, on the second and fourth Tuesday of each month, they also run a Theology in the Pub session, where those of drinking age can talk about faith over a pint. Father Plant, who is a Nine Inch Nails fan, says they are not talking about heavy metal or a mosh pit and he has no plans to invite AC/DC or Metallica, but rather solo artists and poets. No, he won’t violate you. No, he won’t desecrate you. Well let’s hope not. We wish him well with his novel approach.
Fed up with foodstuff appearances, Jesus has graced the door of a toilet in IKEA, Glasgow, with his image. It was spotted by Dave Simons during a visit. He snapped the image and shared it with his friends. However, as reported in the Daily Mail, some of his friends thinks it looks more like the tree people in Lord of the Rings, than Jesus.
A district court in Israel has ruled that the documentary “The Lost Tomb of Jesus”, aired in 2007, was not fraudulent. The documentary claimed that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and had children with her, some of whom were buried with Jesus in Jerusalem. A critic, Joe Zias, claimed the findings were not properly grounded and caused the film maker, Simcha Jacobovici, serious financial harm. Zias was sued for defamation, resulting in this verdict awarding the film maker over €192,000 in damages. As reported in the Jerusalem Post, the Judge did not rule that the facts in the documentary were true, only that they were based on research and were not fraudulent. So is it true that Jesus settled down with a wife and kids? I really don’t care.
Our old friends the Westboro Baptist Church are continuing their campaign of hate against gay people, saying God hates Ireland for legalising gay marriage. The only problem is they put the flag upside down, so they were really protesting against the Ivory Coast. In any case the video is funny, give it a spin on YouTube. https://youtu.be/1Pe2Pa8yYuM
Ireland votes on gay marriage this Friday. Many are creating a fog of war to distract from the simple question, should gay marriage be recognised in law? The bible is quite clear about heterosexual marriages in Deuteronomy 22:13-21. If a man marries and discovers his wife is not a virgin, her parents must provide proof that she was. If they do this the husband pays 100 silver shekels to his father-in-law for slander, but if they can’t she will be stoned to death. Perhaps we should change the law to only allow marriage between two virgins and preserve the sanctity of marriage.